Registry Guidance: All Other Occasions
The Authority does not require a reason.
Birthdays, gift exchanges, retirements, and anyone who appreciates official nonsense with a straight face. One certificate, two names. The Registry handles the rest.
$49.99 framed, personalized, free U.S. shippingor the print on its own, $19.99
- Personalize it before you buy
- Framed 8x10, ready to hang
- Ships in 1 to 2 weeks
Official Ruling, Docket 0-0
No occasion is too small for perpetual mineral rights.
The Registry of Celestial Mining accepts filings on any date, for any reason, from anyone willing to put a name on the Subject of Authorized Operations line. The holder line is yours. The subject line is theirs. The frame is forever.
Most filings arrive on birthdays. The rest arrive at gift exchanges, where the certificate is stolen an average of twice, and at retirement parties, where it is presented by the office and hung in the garage by Friday.
The Authority does not ask why. The Authority has never once been told.
Who holds the rights
Three filings the Registry sees year-round.
Same certificate. Different paperwork.
Birthday
Authorized Rights Holder: whoever is paying for dinner. Subject: the birthday boy. Finally, a gift he will not regift. He has tried.
White Elephant
Authorized Rights Holder: the host. Subject: the host's husband. Whoever wins it takes home somebody else's marriage. Guaranteed to be stolen at least twice.
Retirement
Authorized Rights Holder: the spouse. Subject: the retiree. Thirty-one years of service, perpetual rights effective immediately. The office pooled $49. The office is aware of what it did.
Procedure
How the paperwork gets filed
01
Pick the subject
Someone is going on the Subject of Authorized Operations line. Choose with care. Or with speed.
02
File the names
Enter the holder and the subject. Pick a frame. The certificate fills in before you pay.
03
Present it in public
Framed and shipped in 1 to 2 weeks. Dinner table, break room, under the tree. Read it aloud. Someone will film it.
Bylaws
General provisions of the Registry
- Any date is a valid filing date. The Registry does not recognize no occasion.
- The subject may not decline. Receipt of the frame constitutes acceptance. So does laughing.
- Regifting is prohibited by the names printed on it. This is the only gift with a built-in enforcement mechanism.
- Stolen certificates remain valid. The names do not change hands. The frame does.
- The Authority does not require justification. It has never been offered one.
Other filings
No reason required.
One certificate, personalized with two names, framed and shipped ready to give. The occasion is your business. The paperwork is ours.
- Printed and framed to order
- Allow 1 to 2 weeks for U.S. delivery
- Filed by the Uranus Sovereign Authority